Kitty Rubbers
For thousands of years man has struggled with the eternal question of “Do I really need to cut my cat’s balls off to get him to stop bopping every queen he comes across in the backyard?”
The answer to that question has always been an emphatic yes. Yes you do need to cut your cat’s balls off.
But that may change soon because billionaire inventor (and pet reproductive organ hater) Gary Michelson has pledged a whopping $75 million dollars to a cause that’s near and dear to my heart: pet contraception.
The only reason why I have any interest in this is because I’ve had some dealings with a feral cat colony in my neighborhood. Namely, I trapped all ten of the little buggers, got them spayed/neutered at the ASPCA, and then released them back into nature (aka my backyard in Brooklyn). This process is known as Trap-Neuter-Return or TNR, and is replacing the old trap and kill methods of days gone by. Having done TNR I can tell you that while it does work, it is also a HUGE pain in the ass. It takes a lot of time, patience, and the most important thing, a ridiculous, borderline unhealthy love of cats. The whole process would have been a heck of a lot easier if I could have just given the cats a pill and been done with it.
No word yet on that cure for kitty porn addiction.
So I applaud Mr. Michelson. There are far too many stray and feral cats roaming around out there, and a non-surgical means of sterilization would go a long way towards controlling the problem. $25 million of the money he pledged is going to the Michelson Prize, which will be awarded to whoever can come up with a feasible dog and cat contraceptive. The rest of the money is going toward research in the field.
Since I could really use the extra $25 mil, I’m going to go ahead and submit my idea for a cat contraceptive. I’ve been working on this for quite some time now, mainly on the weekends in my garage. After many failed prototypes, I think I’ve finally found a solution that not only doesn’t require surgery, but it also doesn’t require the cats to take a pill or have any kind of topical treatment.
The idea is a simple three-step process that I like to call “The Living Solution.”
Here’s how it works:
- Round up some cats.
- Make sure the cats are all have their eyes open.
- Show the cats the following picture of Martha Stewart.
They will never want to have sex again.
(via WSJ)
